You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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