And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
