Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
