omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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