Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This baby is an asshole
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
