I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
