Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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