Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
