i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
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It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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