well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
