Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
