I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
