This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
