Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
