Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
