wakey wakey hands off snakey
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
