I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
