girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
