My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
