dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
