I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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