i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
