I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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