From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
