Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
