20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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