just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
