Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
