You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
