it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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