Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
