Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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