My first STD was from a foam party
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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