I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Holy shit dude........stairs
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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