i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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