I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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