Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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