I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
