im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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