Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
