nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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