So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
