and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
