Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
