Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
