Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
