she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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