GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
