Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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