just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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