smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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