That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
