Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
