does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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