I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she pinky promised me she was 18
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
