he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
