I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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