Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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